Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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