I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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