my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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