So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
too bad you live with your parents still
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
