just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
