So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize