dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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