I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
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i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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