i don't plan on having that self control this summer
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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