woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
