We won't sleep together?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
