Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
