is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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