Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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