yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
