this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
