My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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