Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
