She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
