So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
