i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
