i jhust puked up my retainher.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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