I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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