He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ladies don't puke and tell
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
