nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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