Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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