May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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