I just cut my nipple shaving
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
