yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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