I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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