:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
