just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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