apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
