Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
