have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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