I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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