I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
