Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
