oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish you could order shots online.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
