bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
