am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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