haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
