So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
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I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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