apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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