Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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