New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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