A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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