Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
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i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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