If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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