I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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