this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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