I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
