Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
