Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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