Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
