Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
