can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
