dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
