some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
