Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
