dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
