think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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