IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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