That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
