Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize